Feed The Birds!

As the number of homeless and needy who visit the shared meals continues to grow, it’s a challenge sometimes to feed everyone who attends the meals.  Weekday evening meals run from 6 until 7 p.m.  We who attend the meals appreciate them. At a recent meal, however, a couple who came in at 6:15 were told they got the last of the food. 

Before 6:15, someone had already requested seconds. And the host catered to the request from someone who did not have the courtesy to wait for stragglers. Not everyone can make the meal right at 6 p.m., often for legitimate reasons.  For this reason, I suggest that the hosts hold off serving seconds until about 6:30 so that everyone can be fed, and not give in to itchy pants gluttons. 

Not all of the guests need seconds. In fact, the one who made the request is quite rotund, which is a polite word for fat. 

By indulging the homeless in meals that have, to some, become a Roman banquet, the meals provide more than subsistence. Gorging yourself does not give you much motivation to leave the nest.  

Parks in Bucks County have posted rules not to feed the waterfowl, a tradition almost as dumb as smoking. Migrating waterfowl, instead of continuing on their journey south, may stop in route where they can get welfare. Here they grow so fat that they can’t fly south! They have trouble even getting off the ground!  


For the past several months, the meals have become peaceful, a place where friends can get together to edify one another. Recently, I had a conversation triggered by a question another guest had about the Bible. 

Aside from a few brief altercations, there was a character known as Lying Larry who caused trouble at the meals, yelling at people, usually those who cannot defend themselves, and actually attacking someone, for which he was banned from the shared meal permanently. 

Last night, Lying Larry made a cameo appearance, after having given us a break for some time. He did not, however, cause any trouble last night. My girlfriend, who was sitting next to me, advised me it would be best if I did not turn around. I didn’t but I was curious. I was right about the reason, as my nemesis walked past my table. Without incident, fortunately.  

Romans 12:18  “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” 

Awhile back Lying Larry gave his seal of approval to “Caveman Club.”   

Here’s the sales pitch:   

Are women you are trying to pick up at homeless meals getting too difficult to catch? Did another guy take your gal you used to take there? Is the gang of girls you are trying to collect, like Charles Manson, nothing more than a dream? 

Well, do as Lying Larry does. He uses Caveman Club to catch his prey.   

As Lying Larry says, women don’t have any sense in choosing the guy they want to hang with. Women are incapable of making decisions on their own. They need guidance and persuasion.   

Caveman Club also serves to keep the competition away; to keep the gals from making the wrong choice.  

Caveman Club.  Don’t go to a homeless meal without one!  

Caveman Club, by Sancho Panza.  Caveman Club has the Lying Larry Seal of Approval.