One Is the Loneliest Number

“One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do.” -Three Dog Night

A few years ago I read in Narcotics Anonymous a testimony of a recovered drug addict that his addiction put him in a lonely world. He wrote that for the addict, there is no bond with others and the only thing that matters is getting that fix. The addict, the testimony continues, does not care how he affects others. He or she will steal every last dime from his own family to satisfy his need for an escape from reality.

Stealing, like addiction, is a sin, as is lying. I recently parted company with an addict who did both. I recently caught her in a lie – she made something up in order to get some money from me. She also admitted stealing clothes from a retail store. It’s a disease to her. Wrong! As I wrote in a recent blog, believing that drug addiction is a disease will prevent the addict from recovering. Drug abuse is a choice, a matter of the will. It is a sin. Only Jesus can help us overcome sin.

The world of drugs is a dark world.  So-called friends in this world are not true friends. Recently, when the woman I tried to help get straight (and also had a romantic interest in) would throw a temper tantrum, she’d go to where her female friend is staying, whom I believe is a druggie. In a pinch, this “friend” would only let her stay over, even for one night, if she paid her. Consequently, this is why she had to hustle money. She had already drained her account for the month, I believe, by buying drugs, which she promised she’d stop. Hasta la vista, baby!

I think she may just have to spend some time in the wilderness before she gets straight.

Although a druggie’s intentions to get clean may be genuine, temptation may overcome him or her. This is why addicts are sequestered in in patient centers and then are often taken for further treatment in a place where they are away from their druggie “friends” and dealers.

As a result of falling off the wagon, my “friend” has alienated herself from me and others. She finds fault in others, including the homeless people in Bucks County, PA. She thinks everyone is against her, including me, and finds scapegoats in whomever she can to avoid accountability. Minor disagreements, sometimes even over nothing, creates an argument. This was the case with me.

She’s in a very lonely place. The way she’s going, she may become another statistic.

I’ve been in a very lonely place, where I felt isolated, that I did not have a friend in the world, and that everyone else was against me as I fell into a dark depression. This was not caused by drug or alcohol abuse but because of my ungodly thinking and actions. After this Prodigal Son returned to God, Jesus took me out of the darkness and into the light and my world became brighter. I had become alienated from family and friends, but after a time, I became reunited with them, and it feels so good!

About three years ago I started taking care of a homeless woman who had cancer. Recently, I surprised a friend who had been telling me I did a noble thing when I told him that  I was the one who was blessed. I learned that it was not all about me, and sacrificed and developed a commitment to Sandi. I loved her and she loved me.

Once you are saved, the world doesn’t suddenly become sunshine, lollypops and rainbows, and not every time that we’re together. Wanting to live in la-la land, a utopia is the mentality that leads to drug abuse. Utopia is defined not only as a perfect place, but that there is no such place. Dystopia is a real place, the dark place of the drug and other worlds.

The Bible doesn’t promise that life will be problem free, but that Jesus will be with us in our struggles, which produces perseverance, which fosters hope. I think that many drug abusers grew up under the bubble of helicopter parents, who protected them from the vicissitudes of life. “Blue Heaven is a place on earth…” Not!

Although I’ve come a long way, I still have trials and tribulations, including the present one. Half kiddingly, I told my pastor, mentor and true friend that when my friend and I parted company, it was a wonder I did not at least get drunk (I don’t have a problem with alcohol). He said not to do that but to call on Jesus for help. I did and have been doing this.

I woke up at 4 a.m. today to write this blog, as my mind has been racing. I’ve had a mixture of anger, hurt and concern for someone whose life is spinning out of control. As my pastor recommended, I need to take time out to work on my relationship with God and to finish grieving the loss of a Sandi who recently went home to the Lord.  God can mend my broken heart.

I am lonely now, but God is with and in me.  He will send me that special someone in His time. He is our only help, our refuge and our mighty fortress.  A Mighty Fortress, written by Martin Luther, by the way, was one of the top hits on the Christian radio station in Brandenburg, Germany back in the day.